Kid Stuff

Ryleigh is three years old and Kellan is 8 weeks today! Time is a crazy bandit, as I really do feel like I was just a brand new mama to miss Ryleigh. Here are some observations about round two of baby rearing. 

I have almost non-existent anxiety. With Ryleigh, I never realized how much anxiety i really had until it went away. It probably wasn't normal but I thought it was just part of motherhood. My mind would race at night at all the possible horrific things that could happen to my precious baby. She slept in our room for way longer than she should have because "someone could come steal her in the night", or "she could choke or stop breathing and I won't hear her", or even "the BIG ONE can happen and what if I can't get to her!" These thoughts would seriously plague my mind in the wee hours of the night. Never during the day.  During the day I realized I was a crazy  person for having those thoughts, but at night they would creep back in and hold me hostage. Eventually, my need for a full night's sleep outweighed my paranoia, and Ryleigh moved into her own room and I returned to a rational, logical person. Of course, I still have thoughts of things that can happen (don't all parents), but I'm really good at just not letting my mind go there. It's interesting, because when pregnant with Ryleigh, I was so laid back and nonchalant about everything. Never nervous before an ultrasound, and had a very "whatever happens, happens" kind of attitude. But when she was born, I was so overwhelmed by love and fear of something going wrong. 

When Mr Man came along, I was much more apprehensive and nervous about pregnancy. We told family and friends right away, but I found myself always saying "it's still early, so we'll see" anytime my pregancy got brought up. Probably because after experiencing a child, I knew exactly what i would be missing out on should anything go wrong. I think I had also seen so much of what can go wrong in early pregnancy by this point that I felt like it was just so common, and what made me any different than any of my friends who had experienced loss. I was nervous before every appointment and this lasted up until the end. Once Kellan was born, though, all my fears melted away and I was able to truly enjoy having a sweet new baby. John and I both had a confidence now that we were seasoned parentals. It has been so great! We all sleep soundly (in between feedings of course), and there's just a general sense of peace in my mind. This little guy has just fit right into our family like he has always been a part of it. I feel so blessed by these two little lives.